Today

Morning Reading… on 2/1/10
In order of draw; High Priestess, The Fool, Queen of Batons, Seven of Batons, four of Batons and finally; Knight of Cups.
High Priestess – correspondences include the moon, and the Hebrew letter Beth or, “above” also representing a dwelling home or body- a containing form either human or brick & mortar and can be indicative of a spiritual vessel, a temple or a pregnant woman. She speaks to me, dark Egyptian eyes gazing through the familiar scene; I’ve pulled this card a thousand times but today, as it is every day, different from any before.
Sometimes she looks at me, scorning as a teacher does a petulant child. Sometimes she looks on me in pity, allowing me to kiss the hem of her dress and try again. This time, she gazes with a curious smile, just on the corners of her lips, folding her arms in front of her in carrying a secret knowledge that I might soon learn. To her left is a cup with a painted serpent and to her left is a tablet and brush. Behind her; Isis. The goddess of motherhood and fertility, the female of throne looks out with indifference and solidarity.
Next in line was the Fool; correspondences include fire and the Hebrew letter shin; which can be seen as a tooth. Three lines representing three roots of the molars, it is cosmic fire and the holy spirit. It represents acceptance, submission, taking in and transmuting energy. The fool is torn at the leg by a lynx, about to cross a crocodile filled river- unafraid and uncaring. The fool pays little attention to me, just reminding me that the journey may not be an easy one but it is a necessary one that will drive me forward to whatever end. The time is now, the journey has already begun- there’s no going back now!
The rest I’ll leave for my personal journal; no need to bore you with the details.
Today is 2/22, 2010. All entries up to this point were written over the course of this last month; simply all posted today. This entry leads us to present day; 1:11pm exactly as I type this.
The point to this entry and why I’m posting it here is to share with you my synchronistic turn of events. On 2/1, I was on the edge of a new era in my life. We had decided to start actively trying to build a family just after the new year, on the night of the blue moon in January we tried, did not succeed. The week of this reading, was the “window” of opportunity. It was also the same week as Imbolc, the festival of lights or otherwise called Candlemas. This is the festival of Brigid, the beginning of the light half of the year and the day in which we give thanks for the flow of life that pushes up the very first sprigs of spring growth. This is the time when seeds are planted in preparation for harvest. This is the time to build goals, make plans, create and jump on the bride’s train as she heads from the cold, dark and icy winter and grow warm with passion as the heat of the earth grows ever more radiant all around us.
During this sacred and glowing time of transition, I committed myself to a new life; that of a writer, a mystic, a healer, a painter and a mother. I gave the dark moon of January my fear, my vices, my limitations and my doubts that I may move forward into Imbolc with passionate purpose and deliver what I have to offer to the world, such as it may be.
This morning I closed the door on what is called the dreaded “two week wait” I prepped the soil, received the seed and simply had to wait to see if the roots took hold. It did not, as I began my moon cycle this morning. Such is the pain of creation, through trial and error, life will eventually take hold.
I meet this month head on, with some sadness but more determination than anything. I am in a creation period of my life, whether that be as a mother of children or a mother of ideas. I am continually shedding limitations as I go, feeding on the pain to build strength and push forward. I fear change. Being honest with myself, I fear it as much as I need it; as most humans do and I come to this new place in my life on the edge of all things in mist and fire, falling deep into the underworld of my soul that I might rise again with the dawn of the morning star, my life and body; a temple.

This quote ringing in my ears, the words of a character in a story about love, death, ghosts, magic and full moons and this quote will carry me forward into some of the most difficult decisions I've already made;

"My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being normal is not a virtue; rather it denotes a lack of courage."
-- Frances Owens, Practical Magic